FROM WHY ME TO WHAT NOW: FAITH IN A HARD SEASON

There was a stretch of my life when one question ran on repeat in my head. It showed up when the roof of our RV leaked in a hard rain. It showed up when the card reader at the grocery store beeped loudly as I swiped my EBT card, and I imagined every eye in line was judging me. The question was simple: why me?

It felt honest. I had started over with two little boys and almost nothing, and the unfairness of it was real. The trouble was that the question gave me nowhere to go. Every hard thing turned into more proof that this was just how my life went.

THE QUESTION THAT CHANGED

The change did not come in some big moment. I was sitting at the little table in the RV one afternoon, surrounded by opened envelopes, and the math did not work. Again. I whispered my usual question, half to God and half to the bills. Then a different one rose up in me: what now?

I did not like it at first. It felt a lot like responsibility. It also told me I still had some power, even there. That afternoon, what now meant sitting on hold for nearly an hour to work out a payment plan, then writing the new due dates on sticky notes above the sink so I would not miss them.

“Shifting from “Why me” to “What now” did not invalidate the hard. It reframed it.”

Our bank balance did not change that day. I did. Over time I learned to catch the old question when it started to take over, pause, and ask the new one instead.

PRAYERS THAT WERE NOT POLISHED

I grew up hearing that God provides. In those RV years, I needed that to be more than a slogan on a church wall. I needed something to hold onto at midnight, after the boys were finally asleep and the worry got loud.

My prayers then were short and tired. Some nights I was angry, and I said so in a whisper. Some nights I barely had words. A few prayers were so small I could carry them through a whole day:

““Help me.” “Be here.” “Show me the next step.””

I did not get tidy answers to the angry prayers. What I got was a place to tell the truth about how hard it was without editing myself. If prayer is not part of your life, I still hope you have a place like that. Everyone needs one.

WHAT PROVISION LOOKED LIKE

For a long time I kept watching for a rescue. It never came the way I pictured it. I wrote about this in Welfare to Wealthy:

“Provision did not show up the way I sometimes wished it would. No mysterious checks in the mail. No stranger paying off all my debts. It showed up in small, specific ways that were easy to miss if I was only looking for dramatic rescues.”

It was a grocery gift card a friend at church slipped into my hand with a hug. It was a payment arrangement approved at the last minute that kept our lights on. It was a used pair of shoes from another mom, right when my son had worn a hole in his only pair. And it was a battered car that kept passing inspection when I was sure this would be the year it died.

None of those would ever make the news. Every one of them got us through another week. Looking back, I can see that learning to notice them was part of how my faith grew.

WHERE IT LED

Those quiet nights prepared me for what came later. When I finally logged in and saw my student loan total, $104,387.26, my stomach dropped. But I had already practiced bringing my panic to God. Years later, when I started Key 2 Debt Free, praying over client calls felt natural, because I had already prayed over food stamp recertification forms and overdue notices.

HOW DO YOU KEEP FAITH IN A HARD SEASON?

Here is what I would tell you if we were sitting at the same small table:

1. 1

   When the old question shows up, let yourself feel it. Then ask what you can do next, even if the answer is tiny.

2. 2

   Pick one call you have been dreading and make it this week. Ask for an extension or a payment plan while there is still time to work one out.

3. 3

   Keep your prayers honest. Short ones count.

4. 4

   Watch for small provision, and write it down when it comes so you can look back at it on the hard days.

5. 5

   Let someone help you. You were never meant to carry all of it by yourself.

There is a suggestion in the book I still come back to on heavy nights:

“Try this: tonight, when the house is finally quiet, sit at whatever passes for your kitchen table, put your hands flat on it, and say one honest sentence.”

One honest sentence is enough. Some nights, that is the whole prayer.

If you read about the night I decided to leave in One Decision in a Messy Kitchen, this is part of what came after. I wrote the whole story in Welfare to Wealthy, and the plain money steps I learned along the way are in The Key. If you want to talk about your own next step, you can reach me here.

Quoted passages are from Welfare to Wealthy: A Single Mom's Remarkable Rise to Riches by Rachael J Katz.